DHARMENDRA DOEL: THE ETERNAL ROMANCE WITH LIFE by Mihir Srivastava



Dharmendra is one of the most celebrated actors of the Indian film industry, is popular for his stunning looks and golden hear​t, a rarest of rare combinations that sets him apart from the rest. He died a couple of weeks short of his 90^th birthday, last week.

Though I have never had a conversation with him, he has had a presence in my life, intriguing me like millions of Indians, for all the obvious reasons. Here, I try to look at his life in words of people who knew him very well and were integral part of his journey.

Dharmendra married the gorgeous actress-dancer Hema Malini—the dream girl—at the age of 45, she was 32, when they were both at the peak of their respective careers.

This was Dharmendra’s second marriage, twenty-six years after his first. He was barely 19 when he married Prakash Kaur, and had four children from her, between 1957 to 1968, two sons—Sunny and Bobby—are celebrated actors in their own rights; and two daughters, Ajeeta and Vijeta, stayed away from the limelight.

He also had two daughters from Hema, the elder of the two, Esha, had a brief stint in movies, but Ahana stayed away from her parents’ profession. 

---

Dharmendra was very popular with his co-stars. Jaya Bachchan described him a ‘Greek God’. Jaya Prada considered him as "the most flirtatious co-star", and adds, “it was fun working with him.” Asha Parekh told him in Hindi a few years ago, ‘girls would listen to you then (referring to the era long past, some 50 years ago, when they worked together), girls listen to you even now.’ Waheeda Rehman acknowledged in public that she had a crush on him. His proximity with Meena Kumari was a big scandal of its times.

---

Prakash said that any man would have married Hema over her, however, she acknowledged that Dharmendra is a good father, and that was good enough for her. Hema lived separately, and pursued her career with greater vigour after the marriage.

Hema loved Dharmendra but it took many years to formalise into a wedding. There were complications. Many leading men in the industry were more than willing, almost desperate, to tie a nuptial knot with her. Not just that, Hema’s family was opposed to this marriage. Her mother, Jaya, had an overwhelming influence over her early life, was instrumental in shaping her career, wasn't convinced either. Hema had made up her mind and there was no going back.

There was a controversy about Dharmendra converting to Islam to facilitate his second marriage without having to end his first.

Hema graciously describes that love is about giving and not seeking control or tormenting the life of the love of your life who loves you back. She would never do a thing that would make Dharmendra unhappy. She knew his family from the first wife was very important to him. So, she made this wonderful arrangement. The two parts of Dharmendra’s family, thereafter, lived separately and amicably and happily.

Dharmendra didn’t want daughters of his family to work in the films. That’s double standards or, perhaps, he was protective about them, or both. His daughters and daughters-in-law kept away from films, however, the Hema’s side of the family didn't comply fully. She continued to work, so did one of their daughters, for a bit; it wasn’t defiance, but she was able to persuade her father.

Dharmendra was religious about insaaniyat—humanism. And he described himself as the most secular man, though he joined the BJP and was elected to Lok Sabha. Politics was not his cup of tea.

Love transcends boundaries and helps people connect with each other. Dharmendra charmed people around him, opened his heart, and was joyous, celebrating life in all its manifestations. He was mischievously adorable and adorably mischievous. He romanticised drinking, like many other aspects of his life, whiskey was a favoured beverage.

His sons, Sunny and Bobby, though were not so outgoing, nor prolific as their father, were married off in their early 20s, get emotional talking about Dharmendra.  Bobby described him, ‘the best’. 

Dharmendra was very popular with his co-stars. Jaya Bachchan described him a ‘Greek God’. Jaya Prada considered him as "the most flirtatious co-star", burst out laughing, and adds, “it was fun working with him.” Asha Parekh in a reality show told him in Hindi a few years ago, ‘girls would listen to you then (referring to the era long past, some 50 years ago, when they worked together), girls listen to you even now.’ Waheeda Rehman acknowledged in public that she had a crush on him.

Waheeda was not the only one. Nargis wrote a letter to Meena Kumari, a close friend, after the latter’s demise stating ‘Maut Mubarak (congratulations on dying).’ Nargis stated in that letter: if ‘Meena has ever loved anyone passionately, the person is Dharmendra. If Meena ever turned crazy in love with someone, it was Dharmendra.”

Meena’s husband, filmmaker of repute, Kamal Amrohi, didn’t cast Dharmendra in his famous movie Pakeezah, for he was aware of their growing proximity. “People are jealous of me," Dharmendra retorted when asked about his relationship with Meena, “I was her fan. I loved her like a fan would.” 

Shatrughan Sinha, who Dharmendra considered his younger brother, said in his presence, that despite all his mischief, he remains the most respected actor in the industry. Amitabh Bachchan gives him the credit of securing him the role of Jai in Sholay that established his stardom.

Dharmendra had a benevolent influence on so many lives; it had almost become his way of life. Fame never got to his head; Dharmendra was nice to people despite being a celebrity. A writer and poet, he would keenly observe the absurdities of life and could beautifully express complex ideas in the rich language of Urdu.

A fan of Dilip Kumar, the latter was also in awe of him. Javed Akhtar compliments Dharmendra as one of the very few actors who could portray romance effortlessly. His romancing self was unrelenting both in real and reel life.

Dharmendra would get a new suit stitched every year to receive the elusive best actor award, that never came his way, finally, was accorded with the lifetime achievement award by Amitabh. This was a regret. Perhaps, his good looks, some say, clouded his good acting. On the other hand, his wife, Hema, has 11 Filmfare awards to her credit.

He was, however, the undisputed king of the heart of people. ‘Dharmendra lag rahe ho (you look like Dharmendra) is a popular euphemism for an unusually well-dressed man.

And despite his Greek God looks, he always had a rustic charm—the gabru jawan (a well-built, handsome, and strong young man) from Punjab’s Nasrali village, near Ludhiana. Mai jat yamla pagla deewana (I’m a crude Jaat rustic villager smitten with you), a famous romantic song picturised on him and Hema. They both didn’t seem to be acting in this song, they seem so much in love with each other.

The peculiar thing about Dharmendra, and the likes of his generation, was that he was very appreciative of the work of male co-stars as well, and would shower them with praises, hug them, embrace them, pat them, in a way that would make the current crop of men uncomfortable. He belonged to the generation that didn’t sexualise gestures of camaraderie. And that he was so sure of himself that it didn’t really matter what people would construe, no one was offended, they all loved him, admired him.

Till the last breath Dharmendra remained his quintessentially himself. This year, I will miss him on his birthday, for it happens to be my birthday as well.  I will light a candle for him.