THE MIND OF AN AVERAGE FRUSTRATED CHUMP (INCEL) By Aranya Bhagat

‘Involuntary celibate’ is an oxymoron for celibate are not involuntary. Yet, it's a name of a growing community of young men who are forced to stay single, for they fail to attract the women they find appealing and they blame women squarely for this. Over the years, they have created an overwhelming online presence and their failure to woo women has taken the shape of a hateful ideology. Their numbers are growing and exist in the notional world of the internet. They identify as  ‘Average Frustrated Chumps’ or the AFCs, also popularly known as Incels, short for ‘involuntary celibates’

Before we dive into their ideology of hate, let’s picture them. At the risk of generalising, they may be identified by the dark circles on their puffy faces, shaped by the sleepless nights they spend on doom-scrolling forums or subreddits (sub-communities within the larger Reddit platform) with the sole purpose of demeaning women. Their warped mind often physically manifests with a hunched back and a jaw that is clenched with rage; they feed on their own garbage in the process of propagating it, and their anger towards the fairer sex stems from a denial of their inadequacies. 

While they are in denial, the unfortunate truth is that Incels exist within online echo chambers, where their beliefs are constantly regurgitated and reinforced by others like them. Self-pity here is passed off as insight, and cynicism becomes the reality of their life. 

Extensive debates and brainstorming are happening as an antithesis to Incel. Like the “alpha male YouTubers”, a community of rich men, at least that’s what they appear to be, who claim to have liaison with multiple women. They flaunt their success as a badge of honour to influence and market it to not-so-fortunate young men. They provide insights into their success for a price. Incels are unhappy with themselves and hate being an incel; therefore, they fall for the promises of these courses and end up wasting money. These courses promise to make them more appealing to women, but to no avail. When Incels fail, they use the very same forums they subscribed to in the first place to substantiate their point that women objectify men.

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Incels are the worst victims of their own misogyny. These men aren’t monsters. The truth is that they are very lonely and, as a response to their loneliness, they spend most of their time finding ingenious reasons to belittle women, whom they think are objects meant to be conquered.

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Incel echo chambers and radical ideas are bolstered by a steady stream of pseudoscience and cherry-picked data masquerading as fact. There’s no room for challenge or nuances, either you are with them or against them. These forums validate and, in the process, weaponise their insecurities against women as a potent force of hatred, both individually and collectively.

Incels are a secret yet open online society. Even their best friends don't know that they are part of this community. Their beliefs and views on the issue, however, give them away. They parrot phrases like “women only date rich guys” or “nice guys always finish last.” 

These sentiments, like I've mentioned, are not made public, but the ideology itself is fast becoming mainstream. These ideas and ideals are no longer relegated to the fringes and are reflected in everyday group chats and reels.  Everyone is aware of it, but no one says that they are a part of it. Interestingly, many who are currently in relationships also empathise with them. Many young men, knowingly or not, are absorbing and even replicating such attitudes in casual conversations. It's subtle, but it's spreading.

Popular media has also played a significant role in bringing awareness about Incels and has brought the term to the mainstream. A notable example of this is the widely discussed series:  Adolescence on Netflix. It portrays that young men are not just in denial about women, but also about themselves. They may not be conventionally sinister or even unattractive; they’re just deeply disillusioned about how they are placed in society and what people think of them. 

Instead of coping or learning, these limiting beliefs spiral into even greater radicalisation. Incels internalise these toxic ideas and create a mythology around them. Adolescence shows how this ideology of hate can easily lead to disastrous consequences, which are laced with violence and can even lead to murder.

I wonder why young men resort to becoming an Incel? There is no clear answer; reasons could be multifaceted. It could be their upbringing, facing ridicule from peers, skewed body image, or simply a lack of exposure to women or girls during formative years (for example, growing up in an only-boys school, conservative families with patriarchal attitudes, or being shamed and bullied for talking to girls and so on). 

Being an Incel seems to be their last resort, some kind of an existential justification, or why else would they be so misguided, emotionally stunted, in denial and chronically online. 

And what do they do?  They watch videos that reinforce their beliefs. YouTube is full of “gold digger” pranks where women are shown in relationships purely for money. They further rot their brains by watching porn, videos celebrating misogynistic actions, ‘alpha males’ youtubers and content that supports their skewed world view. The sad part is that all this is available at the click of a button. 

Incel spaces are held together by a mix of pseudoscience and pop psychology detached from reality. Take, for example, the "80/20 rule," which essentially states that 80% of women only desire the richest 20% of men. This is like the gospel for the Incel community. For them, dating is not about personal connection and is instead a manifestation of a rigged economic system where looks and money dominate. Like the growing disparities of income, where the rich are becoming richer, here, the Incel community believes that all good women go to a few rich men. They call this a maldistribution of love.

Let's not forget “hypergamy” or their idea that women always seek upward mobility (they refuse to believe that men aspire to do the same) and hence will only date men above their status, income or attractiveness.  Therefore, they feel that women are inherently opportunistic and incapable of love without getting transactional about it. It reinforces a deep fear among Incels about their future: that no matter how kind or loyal they are, they’ll never be “good enough.”

They even have a term for it: lookism, which believes that society is cruelly biased in favour of attractive people. And to some extent, that’s true. But Incels take it to an extreme. They actually believe looks shape their destiny and no matter how much they improve, they will always be treated as ‘subhuman’ because of their facial features not aligning with a certain standard, in their opinion, women set this. Having good looks is, therefore, in their eyes, a lottery.

Think of it, Incels are the worst victims of their own misogyny. These men aren’t monsters. The truth is that they are very lonely and, as a response to their loneliness, they spend most of their time finding ingenious reasons to belittle women, whom they think are objects meant to be conquered.

It is because of this attitude that I’m not surprised, they face repeated rejection. Also, it seems, from following their posts and pronouncements, they lack the emotional maturity and sensitivity to deal with it. Instead of introspecting, they love to hate. They are the real losers.

An Incel is often guilty of being what they criticise women for.  They would never date a female version of an Incel, for they are too hung up on looks. 

Therefore, it is safe to conclude, Incel-dom is not about sex per se or, for that matter, dating; instead, it is about identity, desperation to seek validation and justification for their failure.