​​​GENDER BENDING: THE PRECISE AMBIGUITY By Parmeshwarya Adya Bhagat

I first came to know of the concept of non-binary or gender queerness, while studying in the US, from a fellow student. I was ten. I had joined the theatre class as one of the optionals, and we would sit in a circle and plan things that we would do in the coming days. Playing out the characters is a good way to understand oneself, and people at large. It was very enjoyable.

There was this girl–biologically that is. She identified as gender fluid. Each day she would announce the pronouns she wished to be addressed by, he/him on certain days she/they on others. This routine wasn’t just a personal affirmation. She expected everyone around her to acknowledge and respect these shifts. Most of us found this puzzling and awkward.

I am against stereotyping based on religious, gender or cultural norms. Having said that, gender fluidity, in a normative sense, is a fairly radical idea. And she wore her radicalness with aplomb. She would dress up like a man or a woman depending on her mood. Even if she dressed like a man, it did not necessarily mean that by the end of the day the masculine energy would still be dominant. With this I built something new - the ability to listen, understand, and hold space for experiences different from my own.

I do realise that it is not good to be categorical about things as nothing is black and white in this world marred with complexities and complications. Gender identity has become important in school life, and we know more about these issues than elders can ever fathom. Therefore, I have a point of view.

Identities define us, and we are a bundle of complex identities–gender, ethnicity, religion and what not?! This mix of identities makes us a quintessential individual with our quirks and idiosyncrasies. Historically, gender binaries–male and female–segmented humanity on biological grounds, is a basis of biases, discrimination since age immemorial. Also, of association and shared identity.

A lot of it has been challenged by some enlightened women over the last century.  Judith Butler is the name that comes to my mind, she propounded a theory of gender in her famous book Gender Trouble by detailing how gender is not a fixed, or the innate reality but rather a social construct that is performed through repeated actions and behaviours.

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I feel comfortable in my gender as a woman. I am not dogmatic. We humans are far too complex to be defined by a single identity. Life is a journey of exploration, and the exploration fades when we cling too tightly to any dogma, liberal or conservative.  What concerns me is the rush—how quickly gender identity, something so deeply personal, can become performative or political

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Technology is rewiring how we think, and sparking fast thinking-a quick, intuitive process that relies on cognitive shortcuts and experience to make judgments. Also has connected humanity across the globe, and it is possible for every identity type to find their own kind, and to organise themselves into a community and propagate their point of view and assert their rights with an activist zeal. 

A mobile is the window to the world, and shows what you want to see. All sides of the story. The Internet has made possible the dissemination of information at express pace, rather indiscriminately, and you do not have to be an adult in the legal terms to take up issues pertaining to identity.  This has caused a certain haste, especially amongst the teenagers, to arrive at a conclusion. And not having a categorical conclusion about an identity, has become an identity trait in itself. 

Gender fluidity was celebrated in India before the advent of modernity. Lakshmi Narayan Tripati in Kumbh Mala, Prayagraj

The LGBTQ plus—as the ‘plus’ suggests—is open to more identities that don’t identify with the mainstream. And the list of identities that defy gender binaries is growing, for example cisgender, genderfluid, transgender, gender neutral, agender, pangender to name some. 

Though, I see an inherent contradiction here. If biological​ sex does not define us, or confine us, in terms of an identity and that gender is not just biological, why do so many, especially the young adults, feel the need for surgeries to alter bodies, and take hormones to appear a certain way? This to me is conforming to societies’ stereotypical ideals of masculinity and femininity. Ironically.

Also, I see gender binaries play out in many ways on school and college campuses, often reinforcing exclusionary norms. Or catalyzing an increasing intolerance to ‘cancel’ those who lean on an alternate view. Could there come a point, I wonder, when the mainstream will become a minority as a growing percentage of teenagers want to be addressed with gender-neutral pronouns.

And when you do not comply with their need, they construe you as a hostile majoritarian and take it as a personal affront. Like my fellow student I spoke about. I felt that by being hung up about her opposition to the gender binaries she seemed rather paranoid about it. A manifestation of the same contradiction that I mentioned earlier.

As a teenager, I know we are still a work in progress, in terms of cementing ourselves. Perhaps, there should be some regulation, and teenagers need to wait to get to a certain age, well into their adulthood, before they decide to alter their gender or take hormones as a supplement to foster a certain gender identity.

I feel worried when people of my age take hormones like health supplements. For example, puberty blockers are much in demand—as the name suggests, it is a medication that temporarily suppresses the onset and progress of puberty, and in the process, delay, even arrest, the development of secondary sexual characteristics. Hormones have varied side effects, mostly bad, some unknown.

What we know for sure is that puberty blockers make bones weak.

To me they seem in a hurry to define themselves in terms of a certain identity, and demonstrate it to the rest of the world. Perhaps it gave them a semblance of control over their being, their destiny.

I cannot escape the feeling that it may just be a fad, for at this age, I know, we are still in a discovery mode. I get to know myself better with every passing day, and to be categorical about something is to be stuck with an idea and get straddled intellectually. 

Modernity, in the way it is shaping up, has trapped many of us in what I see as limiting beliefs, exclusionist in nature. People of my age increasingly have a tendency to believe that their version is the right version, and are not open to other points of views. 

In this context, I find ancient wisdom is radially refreshing. Issues of gender binaries or lack of it has a philosophical familiarity.  It has been addressed in ancient texts and even in the epics like Mahabharata and Ramayana.  

Shiva is represented as Ardhanareshwar–or the Lord whose half is a woman–a manifestation of Shiva. Then there’s a famous mythological tale amongst many in this regard. Ayyappan, also known as Dharmasastha (protector of faith) and Manikandan (one adorned with jewels), is the deity of truth and righteousness, was born to Vishnu, a male energy, in his incarnation as Mohini, a woman, and Shiva—who epitomizes ​manhood. Transgenders were an integral part of the society, even the political life in the ancient world, not like now, only visible on traffic lights in Delhi cajoling people, rather aggressively, to part with some cash.

I feel comfortable in my gender as a woman. I have never questioned it. I am not dogmatic. I do realise that we humans are far too complex to be defined by a single identity. Life is a journey of exploration, and the exploration fades when we cling too tightly to any dogma, liberal or conservative.  What concerns me is the rush—how quickly gender identity, something so deeply personal, can become performative or political. And yet, I cannot ignore the value of these conversations. They are making us question long-held assumptions, and that in itself is progress.

The question I often ask myself is: In a world rushing to define who we are, do we still allow enough space to simply be? And give ourselves the time to grow before we decide who we are.